intimacy issues

I want a boyfriend. I want one now. But I am holding out like a great woman of God. But I am hurting. I am stuggling. Single for 2 years but complaining about it the whole time. Or saying I am ok with it, when my longing isn't for deeper intimacy with God, but with a man. Will this man that I long after this time just cut me off like the others. Will I be able to recoginze the the soverign hand of God in all these non-relationships that I have had. Do I not believe him that he wants and I will have completeness when I run after him and everything His kingdom has to offer me. Will I stop turning to myself and the ways I know of how to deal with the pain and the longings that are just always temporary and never satisfying.