DIVORCE

I AM A 52 YEAR OLD MAN. I HAVE BEEN ATTENDING A CHRISTIAN CHURCH FOR ABOUT 8 YEARS BUT HAVE NOT JOINED YET. OVER THE LAST 6 MONTHS I HAVE BEEN GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. BACKGROUND: MY EX-WIFE HAS HAD A MENTAL ILLNESS SINCE WE WERE ABOUT 30 YEARS OLD. SHE DEVELOPED A GAMBLING ADDICTION ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO. SO WE HAVE LIVED WITH NO MONEY TO PAY BILLS UNTIL LAST AUGUST. WHAT LEAD UP TO THE DIVORCE WAS THAT SHE ALWAYS WANTED MONEY TO GO PLAY, AS SHE CALLED IT. SHE WOULD COME TO MY WORK SHE WOULD WAKE ME UP A ANYTIME DURING THE NIGHT TO GO TO THE A T M TO GET HER MORE MONEY. IF I WOULD TRY TO REFUSE SHE WOULD GET VIOLENT. I HAVE MY OWN CHECKING ACCOUNT BUT SHE WOULD TAKE MY CHECKS TO A STORE AND GET CASH. SHE WOULD SAY SHE SENT BILLS WITH MY CHECKS OUT ON FRIDAY THEN AS MONEY GOT LOW SHE WOULD TELL ME THAT SHE DID NOT ACTUALLY SEND THE CHECK. THEN MONDAY MORNING AS I WOULD LEAVE FOR WORK SHE WOULD SAY OH BY THE WAY I DID SEND THAT CHECK. SO I WOULD HAVE TO BORROW TO GET THE MONEY BACK IN THE BANK.SINCE ARE SEPARATION IN AUGUST WHEN OUR MARRIED DAUGHTER, WHO LIVES AT OUR HOUSE TO GET BACK ON THEIR FEET BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY, GOT TIRED OF HEARING THE CURSING AND HITTING THAT MY EX WAS CONSTANTLY DOING SHE CALL THE POLICE AND SHE WAS ARRESTED. AT WHICH POINT SHE WENT TO LIVE WITH HER MOM UNTIL HER MON KICKED HER INTO THE STREETS. SINCE THAT TIME I HAVE BEEN PROVIDING A BUDGET SUITE. DURING THE COURSE OF THE LAST 4 MONTHS SHE WOULD COME TO MY WORK AND HOME DEMANDING MORE MONEY. I HAVE BEEN PUTTING A 120.00 IN HER OWN ACCOUNT EVERY FRIDAY FOR THE LAST YEAR AND FEW MONTHS. I ALSO GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER TO TRY TO STOP ALL THIS. SHE IGNORED THE RESTRAINING ORDER AND ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO SHE CAME TO THE HOUSE AND WAS THROWING A BIG CEMENT BLOCK AT THE FRONT DOOR. I CALLED THE POLICE AND SHE WAS TAKEN AWAY. SHE ENDED UP AT THE HOSPITAL FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND ONCE THEY GOT THAT STABILIZED THEY TOOK HER TO MONTE VISTA.DURING THAT TIME OUR DIVORCE WAS FINALE, HOWEVER AFTER 10 DAYS THE INSURANCE WOULD NOT PAY ANY MORE SO THE HOSPITAL SENT HER BACK OUT IN TO THE STREETS. SO IT ALL BEGINS AGAIN. THE REASON I AM DUMPING ALL THIS HERE IS BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE GOD IS ANGRY WITH ME FOR NOT HONORING MY VOWS. BUT HOW MUCH DOES A PERSON HAVE TO TAKE. I FEEL EXTREMELY BAD ABOUT ALL THIS. I JUST WISH I COULD FEEL ALRIGHT AGAIN IT HAS BEEN YEARS. ANYWAY I WISH I COULD SAY THAT THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING BUT I CAN NOT SEE IT YET.I REALIZE THAT SHE NEEDS HELP. BUT I CAN NOT DO IT ANY MORE SINCE SHE ATTACKS HER CARE GIVERS TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS. I NEED TO KNOW THAT JESUS IS STILL FOR ME AND HAS NOT ABANDONED ME. IN HER ATTACKS SHE HAS TOLD ME OVER AND OVER HOW JESUS IS ANGRY WITH ME AND THAT I HAVE LEFT THE BRIDE OF MY YOUTH. IT IS VERY HARD TO SEPARATE ALL THIS. ANY WAY THANKS FOR THIS PLACE TO VENT.