trust and forgiveness

i had problems with lying. about very pointless immature things to my boyfriend. i was lying b/c i was trying not to lose another friend who was a guy. i hurt so many people doing this for almost 3yrs or so. i feel so low and ive asked for forgiveness so many times and was never forgiven. this sounds so pointless but when you lose someone you really care about it hurts. and it makes your day just not the same. im still hurting to this day b/c not to much time has passed. but im praying every day that its just going to take time. ive told this person im sorry and didnt want it to end this way. and i wish he'd understand. i still love him and care about his life. there were things in his life that weren't to up to par either and i was really searching for the Godly relationship ive longed for so long. he hurt me to by looking at porn, gambling, drinking, and living his own life and when i confronted him he said it was b/c i lied to him about the other guy. i just wanted security. i want someone who's not going to do those things to me. i want forgiveness and frienship again. ive already asked God to forgive me and He has, but im growing more in Him than i ever was and i just pray one day that that man will find out the joy God has planned for him too. its so hard to be with someone who's not a christian and then when your not perfect they judge you and don't forgive. im hurting and have no one to tell and i just needed to get this out.