ocd

I can't stop my obsessive-compulsive thoughts. I think horrible things about God, my family...Then I pray, but while I'm praying, I think more horrible thoughts. Then I have to pray again...and again...and again. I get frustrated and stressed. I know God doesn't want me to live my life like this. I've been dealing with this for years. I want to pray and read the Bible like a normal person, and not feel horrible and blashphemous. The more I try to stop the thoughts, the worse it gets. I don't have the same relationship with God that I used to. It is mostly me feeling guilt and praying to be in God's good graces again. The OCD makes it so stressful and frustrating. I don't think God wants me to live like this, or for our relationship to be like this. I am seeing a counselor, but I wonder if I should be able to handle it through God and not need extra help. I feel like I'm not letting Him work because I don't know if He will help me or not. I feel guilty for getting psychiatric help. I feel guilty for wanting antianxiety medication. Shouldn't I not need these things if I'm faithful enough? Does God blame me? And does he forgive me for my bad thoughts without me having to ask? I don't want to be this way. I want to be good...