Broken down.

what do you do when the man of your dreams pushes u away as if he didn't care. but this isn't the first time. how is it when times get tough in a relationship people bail without trying, without fighting, without doing everything godly possible to make it work. when you talk to them they get all defensive and break you down by your past mistakes. I'm not perfect and i realize that. We were married before and divorced this past July we came back together in Dec. to try and make this work. how do you get them to let go of your mistakes and move forward. every time we fight now and i bring something up that is bothering me about him, he jumps to the defense "well i can't let go of the things you've done to me before and i can't let you in, things aren't the same blah blah" but he has done the same thing to me and as the Christian woman i am i learned to forgive him and love him unconditional. Yes i understand were not married anymore, but to share my life with someone else would never be like sharing it with him. I just want him to let go of the mistakes that i made, as i have let go of his, so we can receive the great things the lord has in store for us. what he obviously doesn't understand being a Christian man himself, until you let go of past hangups there will not be new things for you to enjoy. I'm so torn apart, i love him and I'm praying the lord will help him see this through. Life isn't the same without him. Don't get me wrong when we are together and we are not worrying about such issues we have the time of our lives, we act like kids all over again, laughing, joking, having the best times, kissing and having the inability to stop touching, hugging, and staring at each other. I sit back and I'm scared to lose that with him, I'm scared of not being able to fix this and enjoy our lives as we once did. i can't find the right words to say to him, or even the right things to do. it seems like everything i do is wrong and it pushes him further and further away from me.
Dear father- please give me the strength to see this relationship through its tough part. Lord i ask you to show him the right away and help him to learn of forgiveness and grace. Father i am hurting right now, i feel lost and scared and all alone. I realize lord that it is you that controls me, it is you that controls my relationships. I'm putting this in your hands lord so you can fix it and allow you to work in him so we can be one again. I thank you lord for loving me and allowing to be forgiven, i ask you lord to watch over him and me and i pray that this isn't a lost cause. i say all this in your name AMEN