Failure in life, love-everything

failure, yes I have it, I have been a failure in marriage 3 times, love many times and don't seem to get it. I love but not all the way. Fear yes don't want to be hurt again. I allowed myself to get so deep that I lost my inside--- heart/feelings. I care, yes, but do I really love. What is love, I am confused. I failed in financial affairs. I am loosing my home, I Thank God I have a job.....and many friends. I do feel alone at times. My husband of 20 years. Left me and divorced me in less that 30 days.. Yes lost. I keep my faith by reading, writing and 12 step program. I love coming to Church and have for 6 years. I need Church. I am rambling. Thank you for being a community of givers, that it is o.k. to come as I am. I Thank God for his Grace.