I hit the bottom......again!

I am in the worst place possible and I feel like there is no recovery. I have fallen so far into debt and a same sex relationship that is out of control. I know that this is not part of God's plan for me to be involved in this lifestyle. I love God but I know that I am not a friend of his at this moment. I am looking for hope and someone who can help. It is so involved and for a man in my 40's I am ashamed to be out of control.